I always say I don’t want kids

(autocorrect changed “want” to “eat” at first)

but I always plan things out anyway

and if I ever have kids I want to have them before I’m thirty

I’m looking through old photo albums and it scares me how much time has passed and how quickly one gets old

some basic arcade etiquette for the socially impaired

yes, i am playing a game
yes, it is a fun game
yes, it’s a two-player game and i’m playing by myself and there is no one standing next to me
no, you should not stand in that spot reserved for a second player
no, i don’t know you and i don’t want to know you and i certainly don’t want to shoot things and blow things up with you
no, you should not complain to your mom that you want to play the game and tell her OMG ASDFGHJKL LOOK IT’S A TWO-PLAYER GAME SO OBVIOUSLY WE SHOULD PLAY TOGETHER SINCE THERE’S A SECOND GUN
no, you should not be breathing down my neck as you await your turn

i should not be face to face with you when i turn around to look for my brother

personal space

do you know it

motherfucker

i do not like kids

ontario science centre

it’s wonderful, just like the museum of science in boston

if it weren’t for all those goddamn kids

seriously

i mean some of them were fine

well-behaved, clean, polite

others, though, were the spawn of the devil himself

rambunctious and rude and no sense of personal space and no idea how to share

i told this one kid i would slit his/her throat as (s)he ran away thinking (s)he was so clever and funny

i’m not sure if (s)he heard me but it made me feel better

this ten year old is so fucking annoying and she won’t stop saying dumb things about home alone.

quit it with your comments about the movie. just sit down, shut up, and watch it.

this ten year old girl is sitting next to me and she’s playing some game on an iPhone and it’s so loud and the background music is obnoxious and i can’t hear the movie now and this is why i don’t like kids

she’s the niece of my mom’s best friend

and i kinda wish she would stop playing the stupid game